Sunday, February 14, 2010

A Decidedly Unromantic Valentine's Day Post

I hate it when this happens. Mind you, it happens all the time; I just don’t like it.

I’m talking about when things happen that I can’t write about. Sometimes, like right now, it’s because it’s sort of gross. We’ve all been sick. The kind of sick that keeps you close to home. And honestly, that’s pretty much all that’s been going on. No one wants to read about that in detail even if I did want to write about it. I guess I’m not complaining that I can’t write about it; just that with a day full of THAT, I don’t have a whole lot of anything to say.

Then there are things I can’t write about because they involve folks who read my blog. Sometimes my head is just bursting with conflicts and struggles I want to free. But I mustn’t.

Finally, there are things I don’t write about because frankly, I don’t want to deal with the feedback. Controversial topics, I guess. I’ve never advertised this as anything but My Opinion but you know, there are always people who want to tell you what your opinion ought to be.

For example, I think quite a lot about same-sex attraction. Oh My Gosh! Did she just write that? I did! I did! I think about it because from an early age, it’s been a personal, painful topic. When I was in high school, a favorite relative ended her life after years of struggling with this. After trying to be married and ending it amicably. After trying out another lifestyle and getting hurt. I’ve wondered a lot about the biology, physiology, psychology, brainology (okay, okay, not a word, I know) of it all.

I remember having an argument that almost ended a friendship. Not just any friendship either. It was my dearest friend but we just couldn’t see eye to eye or drop it. It’s been many years but I believe the gist was that she felt it was a choice. A decision. I believe that any action we take is a choice but the feelings? The longings in a direction that is simply not socially acceptable in most circles? Who would choose that? It’s a kick in the pants.

I’m not sure what a person is expected to do. I wonder if these sort of socially frowned upon desires are what have drawn some men and women to be priests and nuns over the years. I known plenty of people feel a calling and this is why they follow this vocation but still, I imagine a life like this may have seemed like almost an escape for others. No social expectations of opposite-sex relationships or marriage.

And pretending is ridiculous and completely unfair to those who get in the way. I had a friend about ten years ago who married her high school sweetheart. They were best friends and honestly, no guy had ever given her the time of day. She was funny and smart but few guys knew that because you’d have to get past the fact that she was overweight and blind in one eye. When they graduated she moved across the country to start out on her own. It didn’t last though. She felt alone and excluded and soon gave up and came home. They were married not long after and had a few kids. I kind of tear up thinking about it but not long after we moved away she found out the truth. Her husband had been meeting up with men on a regular basis. Not only had he deceived her for all those years (and probably himself as well) but he’d put her life at risk.

So, there I go, doing what I said I wouldn’t. I can’t be trusted. Not a bit. Because honestly, I have no idea what I’m going to write from one day to the next.

All I know is that we’ve got to have kindness, charity, understanding, and love. Happy Valentine’s Day dearhearts.

1 comment:

  1. I hope you all get better soon!! I know there is some bad stuff going around my school. I am just trying not to catch it!!


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