Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I'll Be at The Red Lobster in Case You Change Your Mind


















I woke up at 8 a.m. (!) to find we were in for a two-hour delay. Even for Michael out at the Hanford area. I guess that pretty little snow that came down last night was joined by some freezing rain causing ADVERSE conditions. It’s dangerous because OBVIOUSLY but also because folks around here are not exactly safe drivers under these conditions. I don’t know if it’s inexperience or inexperience + freaking out but they scare the heck out of me.

What about me you ask? Oh I’m good at this. I’ve got a Connecticut winter with bald tires and four Boston winters and even a few in New Jersey and New Hampshire under my belt; I can manage this little bit of nothing. Really it’s so little I can see the blades of grass sticking all over the yard. Still, Sierra was out there making a snowman. It must be some sort of internal drive. It MUST be attempted with each snow. It MUST.

Today the mailman trudged through the slush and brought me more things to wrap and some cards to open. Under the cards was the latest Newsweek magazine with an insanely close-up picture of Tiger Woods. I wonder how long it takes for this to die down?

(And I wonder how much coal he'll find in his stocking? And how long before there's a calender of his conquests?)

We first heard the news of his car wreck on Black Friday as we drove out of the movie theater in Lacey. It caught my brother Tom’s attention because he’s an avid golfer and pretty much Tiger Woods is the only household name the sport has to offer. Also he probably has a man-crush on him. But anyway, within 2 minutes of hearing the details that were given, Tom had the whole story laid out. And pretty much it was exactly what all the tabloid press has since sketched out and what he’s admitted to. I think that story in particular made a whole lot of us ask “Who do you think you’re fooling?”. Because clearly his private life is our business. And clearly, I’m being facetious but there’s a sector of society that actually feels this way. Otherwise how can you explain those magazines at the newsstand or TMZ?

On Saturday I sat down to a fancy pants lunch at Nouveau Day Spa and the attendant brought me several celebrity news magazines to peruse. With nothing else to do I started flipping the pages. I didn’t recognize a lot of people but when I finally did I started to read (because I didn’t have a Sharpie to draw mustaches). And what I read freaked me out. It wasn’t the subject matter but the tone. The “reporter” wrote as if he or she was writing about my best friend. There was a familiarity that was completely disconcerting. I guess I always figured that people who were interested in celebrities were a little like bird watchers; aware that they are observing The Other. I guess it doesn’t really work that way. It reminds me of “Happy Gilmore” when The Jeering Fan keeps bugging Shooter McGavin to meet him at Red Lobster. *shivers*

Well, it looks like the weather is only getting uglier. Are we in for another delay? My phone’s telling me it will all melt away tomorrow but at least Sierra’s got photographic evidence of that snowman!
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