Sunday, December 27, 2009

The Grinch Who Stole Facebook

I’ve spent the last few hours reading Christmas cards and checking names off my Excel spreadsheet list of folks we send cards to. It took a lot longer than I figured; long enough for the grape juice a certain five year old spilled to congeal into a sticky mess all over the kitchen floor. How did I not hear that going on? But it’s dealt with thanks to my trusty Clorox wipes. Oh how I adore my Clorox wipes!

So my Excel list isn’t alphabetized or great or anything because I don’t excel at Excel (I’ll need Michael’s help to make it ignore words such as “The” and “Family” before it starts alphabetizing). But it is interesting. To me. After making my list and checking it twice, I’ve decided to delete several names. And add a few. It takes a few years of not receiving a card for me to cut someone from the list but I’ll do it! Each year Michael tells me the list is too long and this year I’m trying to be practical about it.

As I read through these cards I can’t help but wonder if there was some sort of “Friends and Family of Tiff” discount on trips to Hawaii this year. Holy smokes! I can’t believe how many photos we received of beautiful families sporting leis and blissful smiles. I am very much in need of a tropical vacation but I think I’m going to lobby for Belize. One day.

The drive home today was uneventful. Always a blessing when you head over the pass. Sunny with only a few frosty spots. Not even a lot of traffic. I haven’t been feeling 100% so I crashed not long after we arrived. I guess I needed it.

This evening I sat down to my laptop and “The Sound of Music”. I decided to check out Facebook before I started work on the Christmas Card List and the first thing I noticed there was my neighbor’s list of Top Words. I guess this means words used on Status Updates. I checked out my list and it was fairly predictable:

1) Michael - used 85 times
2) Kids - used 59 times
3) Tiff - used 44 times
4) Why - used 44 times
5) Off - used 41 times
6) Good - used 40 times
7) Josh - used 39 times
8) Think - used 37 times
9) Any - used 36 times
10) Really - used 36 times

I would be more impressed with myself if my list had words like “Jesus”, “God”, “Awesome”, and “Cupcakes” on it but I must not use those words nearly enough. Noticeably missing are items such as “LOL” and “Hubby”. I see them all the time on other folk’s updates. It’s occurred to me since joining Facebook that almost everyone I know uses them (okay, okay, not too many guys on my Friend List use the phrase “hubby”) with ease. Without skipping a beat. I tried to write “LOL” the other day and it felt contrived and weird. But I did it anyway. I did it again today because really, I was Laughing Out Loud. But it looked stupid. It’s funny because it doesn’t look strange to me when other people use it. I just can’t quite pull off the old LOL. And “Hubby”. I can’t do that either. I think if I tried my husband would be compelled to write “LMAO” for the first and last time! Because I’m not the girl with a “hubby”. It’s one more word I just can’t pull off. It makes me feel like The Grinch Who Stole Facebook but I’m limited folks, let’s never forget it.

Well, after snacking on all manner of sugary treats that awaited our arrival home, I think I’ve finally come to a place where I can say goodbye to our friend, the evil Mr. Sugar, for awhile. We need to break up. I won’t be joining the “I Am Willing to Risk Salmonella to Eat Raw Cookie Dough” Facebook group and instead I’m headed to the kitchen for a bowl of Dad’s vegetable soup. Keep me in your prayers; I’ll need all the help I can get!
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