Sunday, October 25, 2009

Cuts You Up

I can see the pumpkins are still lit outside but probably not for long; it’s begun to rain. The weather took a turn for the, well, I guess “normal” would be the word. Yesterday wasn’t exactly what I’d expect for October. Today was cold and gloomy; a real hot cocoa kind of day. I should have made some but it’s not too late. With Almond Roca or raspberry syrup? I’ll give it some thought.

I probably should have carved pumpkins with the kids outside yesterday but today it was just too cold. We pulled the rug out of the living room, covered the floor with newspaper, and hauled out a box of Grandpa’s examination gloves, bowls, scrapers, knives, etc.

Every year I have these big ideas. We pick all sorts of pumpkins and I look up and dream up designs for them. Then reality hits (a running theme for me!) and I remember how gross it is cleaning them out, how impatient the kids are to start cutting, how thick the pumpkins are and how difficult this makes the whole process. And the mess! Oh my gosh! When it was all over (including the shouting), I turned to Sierra and asked:

“Do you think the living room will ever be the same? Will we have to sell the house “As Is”?

“Yes. Then you can buy a mansion.”

“With what?”

“A maid.”

The girl has a sense of humor! Like everything, this took more time than I’d imagined. But then it’s over and the pumpkins sit outside glowing away and looking pretty cool. The mess didn’t take so long to clean up and the seeds will be tasty if I get around to cooking them. It was worth it but I don’t think I would have been able to get so many done if we’d started after school on a week day.

Which is my way of saying Sorry. I really didn’t think Michael would mind if I went ahead and did this without him. It’s always such a production and I was never under the impression that he enjoyed it. At All. I thought I was doing him a favor, making up for being so lame, but I guess not.

I’ve been grumpy with him on the phone since he’s been gone and he doesn’t deserve it. It’s all me. If he was anywhere else I’d be supportive and telling him to have fun. It’s not that I don’t want him to enjoy himself but I’m racked with guilt about bridges I’ve burned and I’m taking it out on him. I’ve always really enjoyed my time spent with his family and I figure those days are over. I guess this is the reason you DON’T share marital woes with family until you have to. We can move on and even improve our relationships but it’s hard for people outside of the situation to do the same. No one’s talking about me, taking my name in vain, but it won’t ever be the same. I’m not stupid enough to think it ever could be. I’m in mourning, I suppose.

And she overshares again. I think I’m pretty much shed of those who judge me for it so I’ve got that going for me. As for the rest of you? You’re the best.

I have to say a maid would have been nice today. One with a sweet pumpkin seed recipe and sense of humor!
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1 comment:

  1. I'll help eat the pumpkin seeds, roasted please!


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