Monday, August 17, 2009

I Need a Wife

“Mom’s gay! Dad! Dad! Mom’s gay!!”

Well, not exactly. Under my breath I’d mumbled, “I wish I had a wife,” and Kenny took that as a straight-up admission. As far as he was concerned it was finally all out in the open.

But really, what housewife wouldn’t want a wife? Or two even? I would’ve been happy to have an extra me to go enroll the big kids in middle school today and another to do the grocery shopping. One could be putting the laundry away right now while the other was frying up some bacon for BLTs tonight. Doesn’t that sound good?

I could use a few to team up and clean out my garage and organize a yard sale. Maybe some more to turn my backyard into a place I wouldn’t mind visiting occasionally. Oh! And maybe at least one to go get a job! That would be fantastic!

“Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.” - A. H. Weiler

Or for the woman. I tried to explain to Kenny exactly why I said it; no particular proclivity for women involved. He turned to me and said, “Maybe we can just make Dad a girl.” Clearly I’d made no impression whatsoever on the kid so I changed the subject. I guess if I’d said, “I wish I had a clone,” he would have understood and thought it was cool.

Today I bought shelves for the basement to continue with the organizational frenzy and since I don’t have even one wife, I had Michael Jr. put them together. Maybe I don’t really need a wife. Having all these kids could be a reasonable facsimile. Just don’t tell them.
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  1. Peed my pants!! My you have a way with words. Or is that Kenny who should get the credit? Regardless, hillarious! Oh and thanks for the shout out!! My real-not-just-Facebook-friend!

  2. I think it would be more like I need more wives!

  3. That's one scenario that would NOT work my friend! Can you imagine dealing with more than one of me?

  4. I'm iwth you on the extra wives thing. Count me in for several! If that doesn't work, we can go to Plan B: Join a nudist colony for anorexics. No laundry, no cooking, no dishes. -Hope


So, what do you think?