Wednesday, June 10, 2009


Sad but true, a good marriage is not great for my waist line. My weight seems to follow the curve of marital bliss. Which is to say that in areas of real importance I’m doing pretty darned good. It just doesn’t help in the swimsuit department.

Today Mindy Martin mentioned going swimsuit shopping, an undertaking that strikes fear in the hearts of, well, me for certain. I thought about my bottom drawer, littered with suits that fit only the lower half or only the upper quadrant, emphasize jiggly bits, or display my albino midriff. All leaving me feeling overexposed and underscored.

I remembered seeing some new swimsuits in a Land’s End catalog recently. They looked like they might do the trick so I went to the website and engaged in a little retail therapy. What I found was something pretty cool. It might not totally eliminate all hazards of shopping without trying things on but it’s darned close. Land’s End has something called My Virtual Model and you create this avatar who tries on clothes for you. You put in lots of detailed information (grab your measuring tape!) and as you shop you can have your model show you what each item would look like. It’s funny I couldn’t figure out certain swimsuits were ugly until I saw them on “me”.

This sort of thing is best done with some privacy; Sierra was in the room when I started measuring myself and immediately called me a pervert! Once she figured out what I was actually doing, she couldn’t wait to get her hands on my laptop. She created a massive woman and pretended to want to try on small bathing suits. I tried so hard not to laugh. Mommy Fail.

I have two swimsuit questions. First, why are they so crazy expensive? I suppose there are a few factors. We generally don’t buy a lot of them so the price has to be higher than other sorts of clothes for the manufacturer to realize a profit. Also, we’re paying for the dream. The dream that we’ll actually go on a vacation and look super hot in it. Or maybe just paying to get the whole ordeal over with. My second question is why don’t the sizes correspond with clothes sizes? Those can vary I guess but swimsuits sizes always run really small on me. Really small.

On the swimsuit front we have had some good news today. Josh actually brought me one to put on him. No more all-nude review—we can actually take him to swim in public now. But me, I’m not so sure I want to be seen in one of these things. A few days ago I said maybe nothing can embarrass me anymore but clearly I was forgetting about this!
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  1. Jiggly bits, can you model that suit for me?

  2. Bad choice of words; I was referring to underarm jiggles!

  3. LOL - Swimsuit season - oh, the horror of it all! I wonder if I bought one made of camouflage material, if that would camouflage me???


So, what do you think?