Thursday, April 30, 2009

My Man

It was one of those rare days that brought Michael home for lunch (he works 40 minutes away at the tank farms but occasionally there are meetings here in town) and due to a cancelled meeting, he was home early—before school was out. He came home in desperate need of a diet A&W so he asked Sam if he was interested in going to 7-11 with him—no more, “What’s a Slurpee?”!

Upon paying for their two Slurpees (I guess he couldn’t resist), the clerk told Michael that it was buy 2 get 1 free. Michael told the lady behind him to go get herself a Slurpee. Sam came home and told me she tried to give him green money for it but he wouldn’t take it. He said, “That would be a robber’s job!”.

Michael left for Fresno this afternoon. His niece is getting baptized and there will also be a party in honor of his Aunt Delores. It sounds like a great time and I hope he has a lot of fun. I know he doesn’t like to be away from us but it’s only for a few days and it’s a much needed break.

Still, it feels so strange to be sitting here in the dark without him. We’re just not apart much. There was a time very recently when I thought we should be—when I actively lobbied for it-- but a lot has changed since then. I don’t think there are many of us who realize how much effort marriage takes when we take the plunge. We think because we’re crazy about this other person that none of the rules apply to us. That it will always stay crazy. For most of us though (maybe all; what do I know?) the crazy is temporary and something more sane, something deeper develops with consistent effort and the passage of time. But what happens when the effort isn’t put in?
To his credit, my amazing husband has taken the lead and has transformed our marriage despite my best efforts to cut and run. I imagine some reading this will find it surprising (my actions and my candor) but it is what it is. I am what I am. Flawed. But wow. How great is it to wake up and realize you are loved this much. That what once seemed irreparably broken, even doomed from the start, could be brought back to life. Even more than life, back to love. I love you sweetheart.

4 comments:

  1. You guys are inspirational. It feels so great when you pass those hurdles. Thanks so much for sharing. :)

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  2. It's those 'tiny little things' that keep our love and marriage alive and doing 'those unimportant tiny little things' that people fail to do that make their love fade away...
    Keep the flame, hun!

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  3. So, I know its January 12,2010 and I'm reading this blog now and it's bringing tears to my eyes. Dan and I have been married for almost 4 years now and together for 5, and I have already tried pulling away. I don't necessarily believe in divorcing/"giving up" but something inside me has just been nagging me. Anything he did would annoy me anything he said would infuriate me... with no cause or reason. It wasn't until my sister said to me "I can tell how much that man loves you by the way he looks at you." I honestly thought he had fallen out of love with me... but for someone else to notice that he hadn't? Where had I been? I mean, I live with the man and I never saw it. Maybe it was just because I didn't want to or I felt that maybe I had fallen out of love with him? I'm not naive, I know how hard it is to keep a marriage strong and productive. I started to realize that it was more or less I causing the situation. Dan tried everything he could to please me and I just brushed it off. I was only seeing, and looking, for the negatives.
    We found out the week before Christmas that he is leaving for Afghanistan again in June and something in my head just clicked. My New Year's Resolution is to enjoy my husband, enjoy my LIFE. Be Optimistic, not pessimistic. I've come to realize that everything is how you see it. If you look for bad, you'll find bad, if you look for good, you'll find good. Simple enough, right? ;^)
    I'm not sure why I'm writing you a novel here... But I think that it's just nice to see that I'm not the only woman who has felt this way. I was the same way- to the outside world, our marriage was perfect, but behind closed doors, not so much. I think I was afraid of being judged about the fact that we were having issues. Those are to be kept behind closed doors anyways, right?
    Since I’ve gotten my head out of my, you know, I’m just happier. Plain and simple. I’m laughing more and just enjoying the time that I do have with him. I realized that, the first time he left, that he may not have came home to me… then what? I’m not going to let my little pet peeves and unrealistic ideals tear him and I apart anymore. They aren’t worth it. He has enough on his plate as it is, why bother him more with the petty things? We’re both stressed to the max at this point with this deployment looming over our heads that neither of us need anymore obstacles right now. We both know and realize it.
    ::jump:: Dan teases me about how much I am like my grandmother, Marian. Which I take no offense to. That woman raised 6 children and is a wonderful grandmother to me. She is strong willed and takes care of everyone else before tending to herself. Yes, she’s stubborn as all hell, but there isn’t a thing in this world she wouldn’t do for someone if they asked. So in return of Dan teasing me, I tease him and say he’s like my grandfather- he just sits back and enjoys the ride. “You’re right about that hun” are the words he lives by. Smart man. I see them together, 53 years, and see Dan and I in both of them, this give me great hope that Dan and I too will make it.
    Soooo thanks for reading MY BLOG, Tiffany. And Thank You, for writing yours. ;^)


    I had to post this as Anonymous since I don't have any other accounts, but you know who it is by now anyways. <3

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So, what do you think?