Monday, April 27, 2009

Decisions

I hate making big decisions. I turn myself inside out thinking about what the best case scenarios and worst possible outcomes could amount to. I pray but the noise in my head drowns out that still small voice. Still, it's not all bad. I've found that some of my best decisions have been the result of refusing to make a decision at all.

Case in point: circumcision. That's right, circumcision. Back in 1996 when I was pregnant with our first child, I worked for Seth Lloyd, a professor at M.I.T. He felt the need to fill me in on the cons of circumcision and gave me literature to back up his claims. My dad was in the same camp. Still, Michael wasn't so sure about any of that and his sister Patricia had plenty of good reasons to opt for it. She's a doctor so her opinion carried some weight as well. It was the days before routine ultrasounds to determine the sex of the baby and I found myself praying for a girl. I did not want to make that decision for someone.

So, the big day arrives. A month early even. And of course, it's a boy. When I'm asked if he'll be circumcised all I could manage is, "I can't say yes!". And that was that. The years have gone by and my "decision" seems to have been a decent one. I hope the same holds true for my latest "decision". Instead of getting my resume ready for one of those 4,000 jobs opening in our area, I just didn't. Yes, as far as the job market goes, the time is right. Yes, we could sure use the money. Yes, it would be mighty nice to wear nice clothes and interact with grown ups more. But then I look at the "co-workers" I'd be leaving behind everyday and I'm paralyzed. I can't say yes.

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